I want a Chihuahua!!!

When everything feels so fine...

I just don't know how to feel when everything's so plain and fine and normal.
People around me just lost their smiles!
How I wish I can make a difference!
Am I really boring or the moment is just freakin plain?
I want to move to places, I want excitement!
I want the old spice!!!
I want to be happy, because I feel that I'm melting away!!!
I'm feeling pathetic!
Hmmmnnn...
Valentine's day is near!
I'm still single, not looking, but waiting...
I want to burn my life, oh no!, not burn, burn, but heat up! like that!
Whatever!
I won't stay this way! I won't allow it!!!
I want to have fun!!!

Enjoy the good days!

Well, I somehow agree with you Fritzie. Love can be addictive guys, but if you get so stupid and one day, catch yourself hurting and abusing yourself, WAKE UP!!!!

Love is no fairytale!


Love will never be!



Sorry for that suuuupppeeerrr negative point of view... but, hey at least you've loved,(is it really love?) than not love at all! Does it make sense to you?

According to the Korean film I've watched 2 weeks ago, which is "Lovers and friends", one character said, from the movie she have watched which is "Il Postino", an Italian film: "I know that if I love, I will get hurt, but if that is how loving is, I will not be afraid to love over and over again even if I get hurt over and over again!" (that's not the exact words my friends, I can't remember it perfectly!) how touching ei?. In the long process, you and only you will be the only one staying for you! Got my point? Don't expect, don't hope, don't dream... the "ideal person", according to our Philosophy class, is like the horizon, the more you come closer, the farther it gets! Let your destiny be fulfilled. Don't hurry up things! Let it flow gracefully! Now, make your choice, push or stay?

Enjoy the good days!

Well, I somehow agree with you Fritzie. Love can be addictive guys, but if you get so stupid and one day, catch yourself hurting and abusing yourself, WAKE UP!!!!

Love is no fairytale!


Love will never be!



Sorry for that suuuupppeeerrr negative point of view... but, hey at least you've loved,(is it really love?) than not love at all! Does it make sense to you?

According to the Korean film I've watched 2 weeks ago, which is "Lovers and friends", one character said, from the movie she have watched which is "Il Postino", an Italian film: "I know that if I love, I will get hurt, but if that is how loving is, I will not be afraid to love over and over again even if I get hurt over and over again!" (that's not the exact words my friends, I can't remember it perfectly!) how touching ei?. In the long process, you and only you will be the only one staying for you! Got my point? Don't expect, don't hope, don't dream... the "ideal person", according to our Philosophy class, is like the horizon, the more you come closer, the farther it gets! Let your destiny be fulfilled. Don't hurry up things! Let it flow gracefully! Now, make your choice, push or stay?

Concentrate with me

I really need to focus with me before I find myself crying because of failure! Focus, focus, focus! Concentration is most needed today! I need to think straight, clear my mind and be productive and competitive.

I'm not that okay

But i'm fine....
I am smiling and lauhging hard and feeling super energetic again!
Damn, i'm talking shit now...
sorry...
Okay! okay! I'm okay!...
:)

Huwag na huwag mong sasabihin

I want to make a closure to my pathetic involvement with Fem. But first, I'll recall everything that happened. So hold on, relax, and enjoy the circus!

I never thought that I would fall in love with him. He's my classmate and we're not close with each other period. Well, can I change the word I used earlier?, or rephrase it? Because I had this realization thing done! I didn't fall in love with Fem, I was just swallowed by the whole idea of him, I am or I was just captured by his presence. How he carries himself with that naïve personality. There was nothing going on between the two of us before, everything was so pure and simple and casual, but I somehow thought that he might be gay cause he's good at acting gay-ish, that's according to him, and that we could be together and fairy tale stuff like that. I was downed, okay!? I let my self fall with a boobie trap, I, myself did!
After some months, I've just solved the puzzle! I have build up a stupid insatiable craving or could it really be love for Fem!
Then, I can't stop talking about him, can't even pause for a while and not glance at him in class or even out of our room! Following his trail like a sniffing dog searching out for illegal drugs! He got me crazy in love!?
I've told those people that are very close to me that I want to approach Fem and eventually tell him all about my special feeling for him! And they all said: "NO! you dummy!". So I just kept it inside…but not for long! The volcano will erupt very soon!
Our class had a Christmas swimming party. Everything was going fine during the swimming. We were enjoying the day! Me and my two girlfriends Fritzie and Madel jumped into the pool to cool down! And sung some melodies with that magic mic karaoke thingie! As the day turned to night, I've realized that I was to be alone the whole party! Madel was just allowed to stay up 'til 9p.m. and Fritzie was suffering with her usual migrane drama! The two left together, leaving me behind! And so, I was set to be alone… and luckily some of my close classmates were there to catch me! And there were also those whom I was not that close enough with and got a chance to know them much better…eventually we became a lil’ closer with each other.
Then, the night deepens. I was left in the resort, roaming like a stray dog looking for his lost bone! And like some dogs, found a pack to jam with! We found a half-filled bottle of gin! Tonyo, Fem, Neil anne and I decided to have some sip or just call it some shot. Fem and I were still okay during the actuation of these following coarse of events. Out of nowhere the guy beside our cottage approached us and gave us some alcoholic beverages. Praise the Lord! He handed us an almost empty bottle of Jose Cuervo (tequila) and Fundador (brandy)! We drink and drink 'til the last "left-over" drop! I was then starting to feel tipsy, or am I really? All I know is that the things that I cannot do when I’m the usual me, is what I'm doing (acting?)! And maybe now you have a clue what’s next in this great disaster story of mine! I am dying to open up to Fem! And yes!, it happened! Curse that night! I followed Fem in a somehow dark and empty nipa hut! And I started chatting with him, we were alone inside that hut, and before you know it I was telling him that I love him! What the fuck?!!!? @#$% &*^! He was SHOCKED! I can sense it! But he handled it cool though he kinda insist that I'm so wasted and tries to change the topic, he can't stand all of my out pouring blah-blahs! He said that "it's wrong to be gay", "you should to love another person! Why don't you try courting either of your girlfriends? (Madel or Fritzie)", "try to be straight!" And lastly, the most mind twisting of all, "you should try to play basketball!" that's it? I told you that I love you and you'll give me those crappy shit? But what should I expect? He's straight! Whatever! Honestly, I'm a bit pissed, okay! I was really pissed! Damn! It took a lot of courage for me to tell him all that and he'll be that moral pig and just advice me to turn straight? Yeah right bitch! But still I was head-over-heels towards Fem!
Then, our Christmas break started with the ending of that fucked up yet fun pool party. And sadly, during the vacation, that incident at the party still circles around my head like vultures flying above a carcass in a dessert! And my shoulda, woulda, couldas also went in my system. I've shared the story to quite many people. Including my brother/bestfriend, college and high school friends. Some got angry, some sympathized, and some were just fucking laughing bout it! It was fine with me that time.
Then it was school time again, t'was the first week of classes of the new year when I received a harsh truth that completely changed the coarse of events! From our class president to my girlfriend Madel, I found out that Fem told some of our classmates about the incident. The holiday horror bonanza! Boy, I can picture his fucking face full of smile and all jiggly and wiggly bout it! Now, I have to face my consequence…because I'm responsible for all of the ugly things happening around me! No one else to blame but me and me alone! (edited version of a file entitled “Words about Fem” created on Wednesday, January 05, 2005 12:45:47 PM)

Try to patch everything up to get the clear view of the drama. Now, everything between us is destroyed! I'll forgive him once I have forgiven myself. And speaking of forgiveness… okay, I forgive him… though he's not aware of everything! I can’t be angry forever! Besides I can’t afford to look grumpy everyday! I'll just tire myself out!, right? Such a good lesson ei?! Well, help me close this chapter of my trying-to-be-exciting book… let's count one to three… 1,2,3! W.t.f.? whatever!

Movies

I've watched this movie last night with my younger brother...Well, I got carried away again...It was so sincere! I caught myself crying, but tearless! weird?! I know! The title was "Yeonae sosheol" or "Friends and lovers" (in English: Philippines), t'was a Korean film, but translated in Filipino! It was showed in our local TV network, Cinema One, equivalent to HBO. I can't find its synopsis on the net! Oh! wait... here! I can see it now!

here it goes...

...If love could be like this... A young man between two women whose life is pressured by a serious illness that they manage to hide. When the man writes a love letter to one of them, their feelings for each other lead to unexpected turns. As a model to sublime the refusal by a friend this movie reveals not only the power of love letters but also the chance to really become one with a beloved person.

it's very brief tho...

I was captured by the whole idea of their friendship! and falling in love with the right person and your number one enemy is your destiny! I was saddened! My God! Up until now! I wish my life would be movie-like, dramatic but has a great ending!!! Movies are such a nice relief to a mushy heart (romantic flicks). Hay...

I'm Mr. Brightside

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doin' just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go

And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doin' just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's phoning a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go

And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside


I never
I never
I never
I never

God's curse

I know I may be grabby, but you should've been careful with my fragile heart. I'm not made of stone. You should sometimes or always be extra sensitive with the others' feelings. Do you know how my heart feels now? My heart feels like a marshmallow dropped on the floor and stepped on hardly, but slowly squished 'til flat! Oh no!… 'til dust! Why? If you know my issue about him, you'll quickly pick up what I'm shouting about here. For you to tell what happened about your classmate who surprisingly told you that he's gay and that he has special feelings for you to people he doesn’t wish to know his identity because he's a bit scared of rejection. How insensitive and selfish is that? And even act innocent as if nothing happened? Wow! And roam around with that halo on your head praising Jesus to the highest? Oh come on! I'm saddened by me caring bout him. Because the more I care, the more I get hurt. The more I move closer, the more I get pushed farther. Man, stop caring, stop moving closer! You’re not dumb, are you? Get away! While you still have that enough respect for yourself.

Earlier, in a internet shop, sharing only one computer, Madel and I crossed paths with Fem in cyberspace. I got a lil' excited! Using her Y!M account, Madel started greeting him with her hi's and hello's. We didn't tell him that I was there. Then, obnoxious words wandered in my head: "Juno is so mad at you!". I typed it in. Madel, with her idea of fun, pressed enter! So, Fem received the message. He asked "why?" of coarse. I was laughing! After a few minutes, I was all blue and sad. The fact that he didn't even care to show any tiny piece of insincere concern about me. Not only that I was reading his success story of courtship shit stuff, but how he called her girl "G.G."! What's "G.G."? F*@#!ng God’s gift! (Sorry God). And who does he think I am, God’s curse? Damn! Don't go all religious on me Fem! You’re such a pig! I'll let him be… I’ll just let him be. This issue is over rated! It's enough! I'm so wrecked! This will be the last. No more friend , no more me in his life! He'll be ancient history! Goodbye!

Moving on...

Your ever loving,
God's Curse

I should forgive the bitch!

Okay, listen.
I "loved" someone.
I built a whole fantasy carnivale island in my head and he was the lead character.
Months after, I just caught my self head-over-heels more than ever with him!
Then, I just erupted!
I ejaculated the whole cumm of my imagination!...
Out of the influence of alcohol, I've told the bitch everything!...that I "love him" and that I'm so "dead" over him!
He replied; (in English, originally in Filipino) "I'm not gay, it's wrong to be gay!", "You should court your bestgirlfriend, Madel or Fritzie" and "try playing basketball".
Man, I felt normal/shitty/stupid after hearing him!



Then my girlfriend Madel told me that Fem spilled the beans!
That bastard!
I felt helpless.
I felt so fucked up.

I should be intelligent enough to accept the consequences of my actions, even if it will hurt me!

Now, I'm letting him enjoy everything...

I won't expect KARMA to make it's round! I shouldn't!

I'll let him go...

Because it's all my fault!

And for whatever it is...

I should forgive the bitch.

I can't react anymore!

After all that I've done, I think I shouldn't react anymore. because it's my...FAULT!!! It's all MY FUCKIN FAULT!!!

Ladies and gentleman...Welcome to Santa Cruz!

Name: Arnelio V. Lamar II
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Status: Single
Occupation: College Freshman
School: De La Salle University-D
Location: Philippines
Hometown: Santa Cruz
Height: 178cm
Weight: 76kg
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Dark brown
Hobbies and Interests:
annoying others, bathing, biking, cleaning, crying, dancing, eating, fixing anything, gardening, listening to music, playing, staring, star gazing, sleeping, surfing the net, singing, reading, reading minds, spending quality moments with me, myself and I, telling jokes, thinking, walking alone, wathing TV and movies. etc.
Favorite TV show: Sex and the city
Favorite movie: Y Tu Mama Tambien
Favorite food: anything tasty and tangible...oh! spicy foods are the best!
Favorite topic: Sex, Life, Love, People, Passion in life