A

Whenever I hear or see a sad song on the radio or TV, I can’t afford to think of my past love interests. How they once made me feel inspired and after a while made me feel worthless and in the end made me feel that it’s the end for my poor heart to ever find love again. These are drama that I create all by myself some self-made dilemmas. And to tell you honestly, it’s my entire fault. You see, you’ll give yourself a hard time if you enter a relationship that you love “one-way”. That’s how all my so-called relationships went. My “first love” was with a long-time friend whom our friendship gone sour then after some years realized that I have feelings for a friend. It was more of a puppy love thing. I was 13 for Pete’s sake. Then, my “second love” entered after. We’re friends, again. We were in the same circle of friends. It’s weird; I’ll summarize the romance stuff. I fell in love with her, because I thought that the feeling is mutual. Well, the love didn’t flourish and I never knew because I never asked her if she really feels that same feeling that I feel for her. Now, we’re still friends and see each other occasionally. Next is my “third love”. I fell for a friend again. We were so close. I make him laugh so hard and he does the same thing in return to me. See, humor is the best way to win somebody’s heart. Whatever! I got angry with the poor friend in the end because. I forgot! I think it’s because he never looked at me as a lover but only as a joker that just gives him a hell of a fucking good laugh though I’ve told him that I love him. Or he just wants us to be just friends. I don’t know! I’ve learned something after that though. Never fall for a friend. And if you dare, make sure you can fix the friendship after all the heartaches are over. You’re lucky if it’ll turn out like so. 50:50 ratios? And now, we’re still friends. Then the “fifth love” slid in, Fem. I don’t know if I really had that authentic love for him. How can I even love in the first place when I don’t even know what the freaking meaning of love is? Oh well. Read my January articles, there you’ll find the whole score. But wait! You might be wondering. Where’s the “fourth love”? This is my problem. Whenever I think of my past love interests, he comes last. Here’s the story. That was just a year ago. When I was all in pain and heartache trying to overcome the suffering during my “third love” period, I and my “fourth love” met. One midnight, while I was watching a pathetic channel in the cable, I bumped in to this cheap chat room on TV. Feeling sad and blue and stupid, I joined in, there I met “A”. We both needed someone. And surprisingly, we both found happiness with each other’s company. Our relationship was a long-distance one. He’s twice as old as me, and more mature in terms of thinking definitely. But our relationship has a down side, me! A selfish part inside of me just wanted to use our relationship to cover up all the hurt that I was feeling from the “third love” horror. And out of sudden, I ended our relationship just like that. The only relationship that I’ve been to was gone without a trace! I think, if only I didn’t put a dot in our relationship, it could have been a wonderfully chaotic romance for me. This is the worst part; I don’t remember his name anymore! All I know is that his name starts with letter A. When we got to know each other thru mobile phone communication, the name I entered in my phonebook was just the first letter of his name “A”, instead of keying in his real name. But I got to know his real name. The only thing is that I wanted to forget his name even though a part of me doesn’t want to and after some weeks trying to erase his name in my head, poof! It totally disappeared. I really felt something in our relationship, because that was the only romantic relationship that I’ve been to that the love wasn’t just one-way. And that was how my relationship with “A” happened.

One Last Swim

Have you ever felt that you belong so much in a group, that you formed such terrific bond with them?

I had an amazing freshman year! At first, I was all nervous. I don’t have any clue on what I’ll be entering. And luckily, things went fabulous for me! I felt wanted; so much that I had smiles on face again! I never thought that I’d be so happy with my collage year. I had plenty of friends. And they still are.
The start of my college year was unexpectedly wonderful. I never had that “adjustment period”, I was already adjusted! I met a lot of interesting people. I had a lot of gorgeous memories. My birthday, though it wasn’t that nice, at least I enjoyed it! And that day, I saw some true friends. One was Tonyo and the other is Fritzie. They were good to me! And there were those funny school activities. Our so-called “Mardi Gras”, such a hilarious day for our class.
I’ll just cut this story short. When our class was just starting to get-to-know each other, we were really divided. It was so obvious. You know the cliché. There were different cliques. The famous beautiful girls, the wallflowers, the geeks, and the average dudes and dudettes. But fate brought us closer to each other and it was magical. Wow! We found a family in each other’s arms. Cheesy isn’t? But true. We’ve been through a lot. And I can now say that our class is not just a class now, we’re a family. Now, we have to go solo! We have to be separated with one another. Another long story. But it’s okay for me. As if there’s something I can do to change our school’s policy. All I can say is that, my freshman year wouldn’t be so fucking wonderful without you BSN17. Thanks!
And before we got totally separated, we have to attend to this year-ender swimming party. Some kinda spring break wannabe party. It went okay. And the last word that I said before I totally leave the place was…go ahead! I’ll just have “one last swim”.

Mike

He was...
"Mike", I've heard that name a long time ago when I was a few months younger. My freshman year was fun! And everything was new! My fate gave me a fresh start for my old grumpy soul! Wow, I'm feeling deep now!!! Weird!? What I'm trying to say is that, I really love you, I just (Usher, is that you?)... Mike, my former dormate, was here at our campus this morning 'til noon. And i saw him again at our university's chapel (not that up close and not really personal) after some months of lonely separation. Eeewww!!! What the fuck is wrong with me!!!??? GROSS!!! Oh well, that's where I'm happy. I saw him last, last, last week?, again but I was riding a jeep and it was moving so I didn't get a good glimpse of him and her never-will-I-leave-you girlfriend. And today, I even saw him with his relatives, i guess. He's a senior already. And if I'm not mistaken, today is their Baccalaureate Mass (He'll be graduating this summer, I guess...). For months, I've really hoped that I'll gat a chance to see him again. But we never did, not 'til today (or that other day i was talking bout). I was like a "stalker" earlier. When I was about to enter the library with my mouth full, I saw him!!! So, i hid behind the library's window and followed him with my watchful eyes. I can't resist the urge to come near him. I went inside the library, dragged my girlfriend, and ran towards the trail of Mike! We stood, no!, we walked together behind him. I felt contented with that! So we followed him and followed him 'til I got tired. Cheesy? Not yet! When we're about 5ft away from Mike (now he's behind us), I made a corny plan. So, i told Madel that we'll suddenly turn around as if we've forgotten something. So, we did. End of the story. Yep! That's the end. If ever I'll see Mike again, I'll just smile, greet him and say "Uy! musta na?".

One Whole Week

(Febuary 28-March 5, 2005)
Juno's Diary


Day One:

...A Monday
This week was amazingly energy-draining!
Our week started with a Ballroom dance rehearsal for our PE class.
That was a Monday morning! Our week starts with a Monday.
And our dragon-like bitchy prof extended the practice for 30 more mins.!!!
She's so demanding!
Then, after that class, we should have our lunch break. But since she lengthen our class, we were not able to eat!!!
We immediately proceeded to our next class which was English. Our classmates had their defense that day.
And after 2 hrs. of that mouth-drying event, we got dismissed.

Day Two:

...A Tuesday
Our day started with our Filipino class.
That was the start of our "individual play"!
Where you have to have a self-made script and... you have to act it ALONE!!!
Many of my classmates were really super duper impressive!!!
As in, WOW!!!
They should receive an award for their performance!
Then, our next class became a break. It was intended for our class preparation for that fuckin SYMPOSIUM!!! And luckily, I'm the host!!! ;)
And bacause of that, we had a 3 hr. break. I"m not sure if it's 3, I'm not good at Math!
Then, had our Philisophy class. And as usual, we got bored more than ever!
And since we're done with our NSTP, one of our demanding subject, we don't have classes to attend to!
We went home?
Not me!
I went to a mall, to be exact, Waltermart!
I've been dreaming day and night for the day that I will see my "Ex-fantazy", my crush!
And on my way riding a jeepney, I saw Mike! with her long-time girlfriend!
It was kinda emotional for me.
In my head, I wanted to stop the vehicle and step out and say hi. It didn't happen.
Then I went home, in our dorm.

Day Three:

...A Wednesday
The fuckin Dance practice!

Day Four:

...A Thursday
Kiki's birthday!!!
Once again, "individaul play" in Fil. class.
Then, we watched some films in Socio-Anthro.
We watched "Tatarin", boy was it EROTIC!!!
And, attended our Philo class. Thank God our old prof was not around, Ms. ? substituted. I like her!
Then, I got married for our Religious Ed. class.
Literally!
End of the day!!!???
NOT FOR ME!!!
I have to stay up til 1a.m. to review for our report in History anda term paper defense in English!

Day Five:

...A Friday
The TERRIFYING DAY!!!
We reported well in History.
We got an "F" for our defense.
We were so hagard!!!
Then, our dance competition arrived.
We were all groomed and ready!
And as I"ve said, we were really ready to slam, bam, wham!!! the dance floor!!!
Unfortunately, we were not the 1st nor the 2nd or even the 3rd runner up...
Fuck!!!
We're the GRAND CHAMPION!!!
I never saw my class that happy!!!
Defenitely the happiest moment our career!!!
Well, we deserve it really, no offense.
Then I ate a lot, because Kiki celebrated his and a classmate's birthday that same night!
And watched Oprah.

Day Six:

...A Saturday
And after the winning event last night, we won again!
Today was our Graduation rights for our NSTP class.
Our class won for a "The Best blah, blah" category!
I'm proud of our class!!!
And we attended our Chemistry Laboratory class.
And the rest of the story is not yet done.
Bye one whole week!
You challenge me a lot!!!
;p