Love til it hurts...

That's my motto now!





One big sigh...

The fisrt two weeks was heaven on earth, paradise on hostile grounds, it was my long-lost dream coming true!
My wish upon the star granted...
But every dream ends when you wake up...

Before, he always text me sweet messages and check on me from time to time and that keeps me high all through out the day, a smile that inspires others, and a smile that glows from in out...
Most of the people who knows me can sense that I am really happy, they're happy for me and If you are really happy and on top of the world, it'll show!

But, this week, it was different...
Something went wrong...
Nope, we're not over yet...
I am still holding on...
You shouldn't think that I am the victim here, no i'm not, I am more of the criminal...
My so-called unconditional love breaks out of its shell and became a wanting&needing love!!!
I am the wrong one...
but is it too much to ask for love?




This week, I felt his coldness towards me, tho its only on text messages, any person would know or feel the emotion behind every letter, that form the words...
And I felt the huge difference now from the past few weeks...
There was confrontation over here and there on our mobile phones, and when in person, everything's different! As if nothing's wrong, the passion is still there but when distance creeps in... drama starts to wear me out...
Thank God I have my faithful friends who backs me up in times of grave confussion and heartache...
And they say that communication and trust and all the great words there is must rule our relationship not the negativity in my soul...
And I tried...
But I love to the point that I am hurting inside...
I know he is doin his best too... but we just can't seem to reach each other...
(too much drama)
I went out with my friends last night, and I had some beer and boy I was a bit tipsy again...
prior to this party, we were having some misunderstandings...
And I desperately needed his attention...
But like his previous text replies lately, I recieved nothin but one-liners... like: "Ok", "bahala ka na", "anung gusto mong manyari?"...
With these texts, I feel abandoned, I feel like I am a one-man-gag-show...
Sigh...
They say love is not perfect, but I think love has nothing to do with it, it's the people who use it...
Just this morning, again, no more pride left, I asked him what happened last night, and all he said was... "Bakit?"
I erased his number...
He's still texting me...
Still there...
I am tired...
No more dramas...
I need some time for myself...

Will we ever reach our monthsary?...
Or...
the question is....
do we both want this?
I do...

Then I met my man...

I never expected that someone will love me like this... I am almost done with love when he came into my life... Now, I am more than complete, and he says that I complete him too... If this is real love and I know that it is, what's next?

Ayun na nga... meron akong milyung-milyong crush sa mundo, pero merong isa na winindang ang buhay ko...
His name is AR, Nursing student din, 3rd yr din, cute din, pero magkaiba kmi ng section; BSN3-1 sya, BSN3-2 ako...
Rodney Angielo...



medyo matagal ko na rin syang crush,pero wala lang sa akin yun, wla lng, crush ko lang sya, hanggang dun na lng un!

•August 4, 2006; 5:00PM...
I was at my classmate's dorm for a brainstorming-like activity, I was in a rush that time because I have an audtion to attend to (I auditioned for our campus' official dance org...luckily, I got in!), I was in a rush... Then, I saw AR... I made some "pagpapa-cute" moves, but I don't think I am getting noticed...but this is the moment... listen...
He was walking along the very narrow hallway of the said dorm, and I was walking right behind him when...
He turned around and gave me the biggest shock of my life!
It was obvious that he felt ashamed of what he did, but to me... it was f*ckin gr8!
That night... a common friend of ours (AR's) sent me a msg,askin for my permission if AR could get my mobile phone number... I replied YES! tho it was my last peso!...
AR texted me...he said hello, but I ran out of credit!... and finally, he said that he was sorry for scarin the hell out of me!;p

•August 5,2006
I am dying to text him,but I waited til my 2nd screening for the campus' official theater was over!(I auditioned again, and I passed! I really wanted to perform on stage!) t'was around 2:30 or 3pm when I started textin him...
And from Dasmariñas, Cavite til Santa Cruz, Laguna... we texted! ;p
And I am no longer single...
I was hesitant at first bout entering a relationship, but what the heck! Go,go,go!

•August 6,2006
"Awayan/tampuhan/lambingan over text"

•August 7,2006; Monday
I went back to Dasmariñas...

•August 8,2006
3Am: He woke me up just to tell me that he'll come over my dorm... so,I fixed up my dorm...
6AM: I woke up the second time,he told me he'll be there that time... i waited, he was still not there! so i went over to wake Fritzie and let out my anxiety!
7am: I saw him waiting outside my dorm... inside my room... we kissed and caressed each other but the move was all done by him, i was just shocked and moving along his passionate expression of "love"...

•August 9,2006
Explosion of Passion! After our class, he went over my place and then...Sex, love and intimacy! We talked about our lives, kissed, held each other's hands, embraced each other and had sex! T'was amazing, and I fell even more to him! After the 4hour wonderful moment, I ate dinner with AR...and escorted him home...

•August 10,2006
"Kahapon lang"... Sex: round2! but this time, it was more meaningful, I am not saying that the other day was not, this time it was because I felt, we both felt and i saw in his eyes that this is not just a game, man, this is love! not a love just to say it is "love" but love... (senseless isn't it? I am not making sense, but seriously, I am feeling it), I've realized my purpose in his life... And I don't want to mess it up! and I can feel that AR feels the same way too! Finally, after continueos hurts from my past, I found the person that compliments me, that inspires me, that makes me beautiful, that see right through my soul and is honestly proud of me...

•August 11,2006
Now: I am typing. And I am
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in love...
Every love song makes sense, I am smiling alone, I miss him right after he leaves, I greet the people I hate, I look around the campus checking if he's around, boy this is magical!